


Something To Fight For

by PokeNeo



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-12 00:24:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19217860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeNeo/pseuds/PokeNeo
Summary: Butch tries and fails to piece together the gaps of his recent suicide attempt...***WARNING*** This fic contains references to self-harm and suicide. Please bear this in mind before deciding to read. Thank you! ***





	Something To Fight For

I can't recall most of what happened last week. Maybe I'd blocked it out with my subconscious. I guess like with everything it just transcended into that all too familiar grey fog after a while. I get like that some days. Well... most days at the moment. The feelings of constant failure, lack of progression and unresolved trauma from my past come back to haunt me more often than I care to admit. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. But just when I think my head couldn't become any more numb, it suddenly explodes and the built up rage and resentment inside of me bubbles to the surface. And last week that's where it all went wrong...  
  
I don't know how I got myself on that bridge. I couldn't tell you who pulled me back. It might have been Cassidy, although if she acted alone she's either stronger than I give her credit for or I didn't put up much of a fight. The latter being entirely plausible as I don't want to fight for anything these days...  
  
I remember her crying though. Her delicate little fists pounding my chest in desperation and rage. I was laying down I think. I thought maybe I was dead, but I remember it hurting. I do recall just staring at the ceiling as Dr Namba pulled her off.  
"Cassidy my girl, you're not helping him!"  
"I don't care!!!" I remember her screeching. "He's fucking selfish. He doesn't care about the people who love him".  
  
She went on and on. Eventually I couldn't stand the sound of her sobs any longer and flipped over onto my front holding a pillow over my head. Oh god make it stop. Make her stop. Make everything stop!  
  
She wouldn't stop though. She continued furiously. Something about nearly losing the only good thing she's ever had in her life. How I wouldn't fight it. How I obviously didn't love her because I wouldn't even fight for her! I remembering losing it then and screaming something back at her. She fled the room in tears. I went to go after her I'm sure but Namba shoved me back onto the bed.  
  
"You need to calm down Butch...now."  
  
And that's all I can tell you... my mind is totally blank after that. So I'm now on my way back to our dorm after spending a week in isolation being closely monitored. My arms are heavily bandaged and my stomach feels awful, almost as though it's been pumped. It wouldn't surprise me if I'd downed a bottle of pills. I haven't seen Cassidy all week. She didn't come back to see me. I'm sure she'll fill me in... whatever happened...   
  
I try to avoid the whispers and stares as I walk briskly down the corridors. Gossip gets around in this place. It feels like a mixture of mockery and sympathy - it's weird and not very nice! I pass by James who nods towards me. He walks over and grips my shoulder.  
"I've been where you are now Butch. If you need someone to talk to. I'm always here."  
"Uh...sure...thanks" I mutter embrassed.  
Oh god what on earth did I do?  
  
I've arrived at our dorm... I take a deep breath, walk inside and there she is, sat on her bed absent mindedly flicking through a magazine. As she jumps up, I can see she's trying her hardest not to react but she's not fooling anyone, least of all me. Her partner. The man who fucking loves her.  
  
We just stand there staring at each other for what seems like eternity. Eventually I figure I should make my move...  
  
"Hey?"  
"Hey."  
"You ok?"  
"Been better. You?"  
"Uh yeah...Well...it's all still a bit hazy to be honest Cass."  
"Yes well. Probably best that way."  
"Dare I ask what..."  
"You tried to kill yourself Butch. You were in a depressive state for days. Then after a row you stormed out. Took a shit load of pills. Cut your arms up and then tried to jump off the bridge that connects to Mt Silver. I pulled you back."  
"Cass I...."  
"You called me every name under the sun for stopping you. Told me you hated me. Tried to headbutt me..."  
"WTF!!! Cassie I'm so..."  
  
"It's ok..." She mutters as she blinks away some tears and indicates me to sit on the sofa.  
"Come here...the nurse told me to check on your arms"  
I do as I'm told. Cassidy gently undoes the bandages and slowly unravells them not looking up. I keep my gaze upon her, yearning to study every detail. She really is beautiful. Although her usually immaculate hair is a little unkempt, possibly from stress and she hasn't worn make-up for days. Probably no point if she has spent the last few days crying as I suspect she has...  
  
She grimaces and I gasp as she reveals my badly cut up arms. They look awful. I shake my head sadly and close my eyes. What the hell have I done to myself???!  
  
"It's ok" she murmours reassuringly as she gently cleans the wounds and redresses. "They are just superficial cuts, they'll heal eventually. You'll hardly notice the scars"  
  
"Cass I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it... it was a mental day and all of a sudden it just spirraled out of control... like my mind was taken over by someobe else!"  
  
"You're not well Butch. You haven't been for a long time now. You're suffering from severe depression. Perhaps as your partner I should have recognised the warning signs a lot sooner than I did and tried to get help for you. I know the road ahead won't be easy now you've made an attempt on your own life but you'll always have me. We'll get through this together...somehow...You know that don't you?"  
  
"I do Cass. Thank you."  
  
I go to kiss her but she pulls back abruptly.  
"No Butch. Not yet. I mean...I want it too more than anything. But not yet. Not like this. You have to concentrate on getting better. You understand?"  
  
"Yeah I understand" I say flatly. I'm disappointed and frustrated at myself but I know she has my best interests at heart.  
  
Cassidy leans back on our sofa and gently closes her eyes, it's obvious she's exhausted mentally from the weeks events. I sit there for a moment, not sure what to do. However, she reaches out and takes my hand in hers. I realise then that she's not going to let me out of her sight for weeks...months...perhaps ever.  
  
I gently lay my head down on her lap and close my eyes, breathing a sigh of contentment for the first time in weeks. We stay there for god knows how long with her gently stroking my hair and me stroking her hand.  
  
I need to get better. Now I have something to fight for...


End file.
